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Friday, November 21, 2008

Will Edward Sparkle? This and other important Twilight questions

I haven’t seen the Twilight movie… yet. I’m planning on waiting until Black Friday—I’m going with my mom and my sister (it’s a family affair!). But that doesn’t mean I’m not pondering the movie’s important questions. So here it is…

My Top Ten Twilighter Wonders That Make Me Say Hmm:

1. First and most importantly—will Edward sparkle? And if so, will it be CGI green-screen sparkle or just lots of body glitter? Because he seems kinda pale for the Dancing with the Stars type of sparkle.
2. Will Kristen Stewart safely be able to trip over her own feet repeatedly, or did the studio need to hire a Bella-tripping stunt double?
3. How much Paul Mitchell product is needed to keep Robert Pattinson’s fro frizz-free in the Washington State humidity?



4. What does Jenny Garth’s husband look like with Carlisle’s blond hair?
5. In exactly how many scenes will Bella be carried like an football by a vampire?
6. Will my husband’s “stupid shiny Volvo” suddenly become cool after this film?
7. When did Laurent become a Rastafarian? And will we get to see the Bob Marley past led him to this dread-locked point?



8. For what percentage of the movie will Bella be asleep and unaware of what’s going on a few feet away from her?
9. How dramatic can a director make a kissing scene? And will the movie theaters rewind the scene at least three times before proceeding with the rest of the film?
10. Will men everywhere learn how to play Bella’s lullaby on the piano to turn their vampire-obsessed girlfriends into hypnotized love slaves?

I know I can’t wait to find out the answers. I’ll give you all my review after Thanksgiving weekend. But until then I’m just going to have to imagine the meadow scene in live-action. I know it’s going to be dazzling.

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